silent treatment что это
silent treatment
1 silent treatment
2 silent treatment
3 silent treatment
to give smb. the silent treatment — не разговаривать с кем-л., бойкотировать кого-л.
4 silent treatment
5 silent treatment
6 silent treatment
См. также в других словарях:
Silent Treatment — est le troisième album du groupe The Bled, sortie le 25 septembre 2007 chez Vagrant Records Sommaire 1 Liste des chansons 2 Chanson Bonus 3 FaceB et Remixe 4 … Wikipédia en Français
silent treatment — noun an aloof refusal to speak to someone you know • Hypernyms: ↑rebuff, ↑slight * * * noun : an act of completely ignoring a person or thing by resort to silence especially as a means of expressing contempt or disapproval too often, the most… … Useful english dictionary
silent treatment — noun Date: 1947 an act of completely ignoring a person or thing by resort to silence especially as a means of expressing contempt or disapproval … New Collegiate Dictionary
silent treatment — an act or instance of maintaining silence or aloofness toward another person, esp. as a means of indicating disapproval or rejection. [1945 50] * * * … Universalium
silent treatment — noun A form of social sanction that consists of ignoring a particular individual, neither speaking to them or responding to their words. Syn: sending to Coventry … Wiktionary
Silent Treatment (The Bled album) — Infobox Album Name = Silent Treatment Type = studio Artist = The Bled Released = September 25, 2007 Recorded = March April 2007 Genre = Post hardcore Mathcore Length = 36:06 Label = Vagrant Records Producer = Brian McTernan Reviews =… … Wikipedia
the silent treatment — a stubborn refusal to talk to someone, esp. after a recent argument or disagreement * * * the silent treatment : the act of ignoring someone because you are angry at him or her I told him that I thought he was crazy and got the silent treatment… … Useful english dictionary
The Silent Treatment — Infobox Album | Name = The Silent Treatment Type = Album Artist = Mark Deutrom Released = April 16, 2001 Recorded = March, 1998 Genre = Alternative rock Length = 52:24 Label = Tee Pee Records Producer = Reviews = *Allmusic Rating|3|5… … Wikipedia
(the) silent treatment — the silent treatment phrase behaviour that involves not speaking to someone as a way of showing that you do not approve of them She’s been giving me the silent treatment all day. Thesaurus: to fail or refuse to communicate with someonesynonym… … Useful english dictionary
the silent treatment — behaviour that involves not speaking to someone as a way of showing that you do not approve of them She s been giving me the silent treatment all day … English dictionary
give silent treatment
1 give silent treatment
См. также в других словарях:
silent treatment — noun an aloof refusal to speak to someone you know • Hypernyms: ↑rebuff, ↑slight * * * noun : an act of completely ignoring a person or thing by resort to silence especially as a means of expressing contempt or disapproval too often, the most… … Useful english dictionary
treatment — n. care cure 1) to administer, give, provide treatment 2) to get, receive, undergo treatment 3) to respond to treatment 4) inpatient; medical; outpatient; radiation; shock treatment 5) treatment for (to undergo treatment for alcoholism) 6) under… … Combinatory dictionary
silent — si|lent [ saılənt ] adjective *** ▸ 1 not making noise ▸ 2 place: very quiet ▸ 3 refusing to talk/inform ▸ 4 without noticeable signs ▸ 5 letter: not pronounced ▸ + PHRASES 1. ) a silent person or group of people does not talk, laugh, or make… … Usage of the words and phrases in modern English
silent */*/*/ — UK [ˈsaɪlənt] / US adjective 1) a silent person or group of people does not talk, laugh, or make any noise Everyone was totally silent as the president spoke. a crowd of silent onlookers a) used about a person who does not usually talk to other… … English dictionary
Silent Hill 2 — У этого термина существуют и другие значения, см. Silent Hill. Silent Hill 2 Североамериканская обложка игры с изображением Анжелы Ороско и логотипа проекта … Википедия
Tuberculosis treatment — Various pharmaceutical tuberculosis treatments their actions Tuberculosis treatment refers to the medical treatment of the infectious disease tuberculosis (TB). The standard short course treatment for TB is isoniazid, rifampicin (also known as… … Wikipedia
Characters of Silent Hill 2 — Silent Hill 2 features a cast of characters designed by Team Silent, a production group within Konami Computer Entertainment Tokyo.[1][2][3] The second installment of Konami s Silent Hill survival horror video game series, the game is not a… … Wikipedia
Social rejection — Silent treatment redirects here. For other uses, see Silent treatment (disambiguation). Psychology … Wikipedia
religion — religionless, adj. /ri lij euhn/, n. 1. a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe, esp. when considered as the creation of a superhuman agency or agencies, usually involving devotional and ritual observances, and… … Universalium
Intimate Relationships & Marriage
The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally.
Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain.
The best predictor of divorce isn’t whether a couple fights – arguments are inevitable – but how a couple fights. The key to being closer in the good times lies in the way a couple treats each other during the bad.
The silent treatment can tend to present itself as a response more fitting of the ‘high road’, one of grace and dignity, but research has shown it is anything but.
Kipling Williams, a Professor of Psychology at Purdue University who has studied ostracism for twenty years, explains, ‘Excluding and ignoring people, such as giving them the cold shoulder or silent treatment, are used to punish or manipulate, and people may not realise the emotional or physical harm that is being done.’
The ability to detect ostracism is hardwired in us – it doesn’t matter if you’re being ignored by a group or a person you can’t stand, the pain still registers.
The silent treatment, even if it’s brief, activates the anterior cingulate cortex – the part of the brain that detects physical pain. The initial pain is the same, regardless of whether the exclusion is by strangers, close friends or enemies.
The silent treatment happens when one partner pressures the other with requests, criticism or complaints and the other responds with silence and emotional distance.
Paul Schrodt, PhD, Professor of Communication Studies reviewed 74 relationship studies which involved more than 14,000 participants.
Findings from his in-depth analysis revealed that the silent treatment is ‘tremendously’ damaging to a relationship. It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, diminishes feelings of intimacy, and reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that’s healthy and meaningful.
‘It’s the most common pattern of conflict in marriage or any committed, established romantic relationship,’ says Schrodt. ‘And it does tremendous damage.’
It’s an incredibly hard pattern to break because both partners lay the blame at the feet of the other.
‘Partners get locked in this pattern, largely because they each see the other as the cause,’ explains Schrodt. ‘Both partners see the other as the problem.’ One partner will typically complain that the other is emotionally unavailable. The other will accuse his or her partner of being too demanding or critical.
When couples become locked in this ‘demand-withdraw’ pattern, the damage can be both emotional and physiological include anxiety and aggression as well as erectile dysfunction and urinary and bowel problems.
It doesn’t matter which partner demands or which one withdraws, the damage to the relationship is the same. It’s the pattern itself that’s the problem, not the specific partner.
The silent treatment should not be confused with taking time to cool down after heated or difficult exchange. Williams suggests that instead of reverting to the silent treatment, try ‘I can’t talk to you right now, but we can talk about it later.’
Nobody engages the silent treatment expecting it to damage the relationship, and that’s the danger.
Generally, it’s called on as the weapon of choice because it’s powerful and it’s easy to get away with. There is nothing subtle about a physical or verbal lashing, but an accusation of the silent treatment, ‘Are you ignoring me?’ can easily be denied.
Silence can feel like a dignified, high road response but it’s not. It’s a way to inflict pain but without the physical marks.
Being noticed is so close to being loved, that sometimes they feel the same.
Being ignored is just as powerful.
[irp posts=”810″ name=”Fighting Fair in A Relationship: How to Get What You Need and Stay Close While You Do It”]
595 Comments
My story is, I come from a typical brown family, brought up in a quite conservative manner. I was never been appreciated or shown that my opinion ever matters in my family. We are a close-knit family.
Since before the pandemic, my parents have been in contact with a family that has a son. They are a traditional close knit family as well. Son and parents live in different countries. Their proposal for marriage came by like 1.5 years ago for me and after that parents got close. Parents pushed the guy to send friend request on fb to start talking to me but he only sent the request and that’s all.
Moving on, 6 months later, my parents asked the guy to come home and see me just like any other brown gestures of a proposal would take place, difference is there were no parents. My mom cooked like tonnes of dishes like how we browns do it 😏. We got some alone time to talk and it wasn’t too bad although I felt he was too immature for me. I am a person into deep conversation and all-time reality checks. His spirit was like a child still dreaming with eyes open. But whatever, he was a successful guy and silently intelligent and quite sneaky with his words. Anyway after that he and me was pushed again to talk to each other over phone. He never made a move until I got fed up of my parents yelling and rants and started a short conversation over text. He took a long time to reply and the feedback wasn’t too satisfactory. Moving on, it took some time to get him to talking over phone but I realized after two months of conversing he never would talk about marriage orientated discussions than to be extremely sarcastic and super dirty talk. For me, being goofy and talk about the process of making love is essential but only when we are firm with our purpose. At first I enjoyed it but later it got me thinking is he really just enjoying the current time and me? However, we would share wedding colours, kids’ post over socials to each other constantly until a while later, both parents had a disagreement and decided to not move with this proposal any further.
I could not believe it because I took some time but my dislikes turned into liking him apparently. Suddenly he stopped responding after the incident as well. But I could not stay quiet. It was haunting me because by then I couldn’t think of any other guy so what I did was I went to him to his place and kind of surprised him. In my mind, I had a long list of mental notes on what to talk about to him in order to fix the situation and be together. Once I reached nothing like that ever happened, what happened was he jumped on me and we got intimate which wasn’t approved by my gut feeling and that I also mentioned it to him that we shouldn’t be doing what we intending to do. He really didn’t care as though all he wanted was lust because he was sober sexually for too long. Argh. Anyway! Sounds like I was over analyzing. So I just enjoyed my moments with him with a feeling in my gut that what if this is the last time I am seeing him? 😞
After which we started talking back over socials and phone but this time no parents knew or anyone, it was just us communicating. I told him the reason the came to you because I do think our parents didn’t take the right decision of disagreeing with each other rather they could break it down and asked us as well because we both were close already. Anyhow, our conversations didn’t last too well. I tried making proper date plans with him but he would either cancel on me or say something came up and I would do so much for the date till I know I simply have to cancel it. 🥺 The sadness, aggression and variable questions in my mind was bothersome. I would keep asking myself, am I too demanding or clingy or is it that I actually don’t interest him? If I am not his type then why does he share so much of kids and relationship videos? I found myself all confused.
Today it’s exactly 7 months and 2 days, this got worse, he kept giving me cold shoulder and silent treatment for last 3 weeks and I noticed a pattern that every weekend he would not reply me at all but weekdays he is back again. 🙁 This use to put so much negatives assumptions in my head but I would believe it because I think he is a good straight trustworthy guy.
During last week, his last seen on WhatsApp was like a week ago. I waited till he gets back but I impatiently texted him if he was okay or something go wrong over a normal text not WhatsApp. I kept asking my friends, is he testing me or am I being too clingy? Why am I treated this way. My friends said, if he liked you enough he will come by otherwise don’t think about him and focus on yourself. Well in my opinion it’s true but I would think that he should be just fine and would pray to god every night for his success and well-being.
Just now, I opened his WhatsApp and his last seen was last night which means he still didn’t open my message that was sent a week back yet entered WhatsApp.
At this point, I cannot sleep, cannot eat, hating the idea of having another guy in life. I honestly and truly just need and want this guy. He is not totally my type but looking into bigger picture, I could accept each other and the difference and move forward.
Please tell me what to do.
Give yourself a break and dump him…he plays too many social mind games, and marriage won’t improve that. He’s not worth your hurt.
Hi I’m in very bad situation and in dire need of help. I’ve been in a relationship with this beautiful adorable and amazing lady for Seven months now. Well I accept I betrayed her deeply before, but when she forgave me I dedicated myself in the relationship and decided to fully commit to her.
We started living together and things were amazing both our love and our intimacy too, and yeah we would’ve normal couple fights but we would always find a way of resolving them and move forward.
Well she never really forgot what happened and it has been hard, sometimes she had trust issues. She would think I’m cheating on her again, even though I would always assure her I would never do that again that she’s the only one I love.
Anyway we had a terrible fight on July 5th this year and I did the unspeakable, out of anger I found myself slapping her. To this day I regret it and I carry that shame everyday and I can’t even forgive myself for what I did, it pains and I still wonder how? I’ve never hit any lady in my life, I’ve never seen violence at home cause even my dad wonders where I got that character from.
Long story short, my lady can’t forgive me. She move out and it’s been a sinking ship every then. We used to at least talk even if it’s for a few hours. But it changed again, she became so mean and would just remind me of all the mistakes and see me as a pretender and a violent man, despite me apologising to her ever since until now. Recently, my cousin tried to talk to her on my behalf and I think maybe she just told him what he wanted to hear not what he needed to know. That she loves me and it’s only me and that she’ll wait for me, unless otherwise I decide to move on.
Well of late, she changed and became even more resentful and very mean. Went to see her after work in her house and it didn’t go well, she was super mean and so rude. She said she hates me and even chased me away. She doesn’t call or text or pick calls. If picks she’ll be like lets talk some other time. Well what pains me is that she’s always online on WhatsApp and I feel like maybe there is someone else. Her phone when I call is always busy and well I guess maybe it’s true.
I’ve been depressed and I do drink and smoke weed sometimes well I’ve tried everything and it seems nothing works, I’ve even prayed but I guess nothing still works.
Please advice me
Hi, can I offer another viewpoint.
Mainly, the view of silent treatment as a form of “isolation” and high road. Also withq Reference to in the original write and many of the responses, there seems a view the person who has had the silence imposed on them, is free from any cause, or involvement in that happening. Also, they themselves often do the silent treatment, though better worded, “isolate” the other person too.
Also this view is looking at isolation with these Synonyms
aloneness, insulation, privacy, secludedness, seclusion, segregation, separateness, sequestration, solitariness, solitude
There has been discussion on the person being given the silent treatment.
What about the person doing the silent treatment? This goes against human nature of being social, so why do it? What are they thinking and how are they feeling?
Is not, being silent a self isolations? So that person feels all that was said previously by others.
As listed above there are many views of isolation.
The following is experienced views of a person being silent. Silence is due to multiple visits to the same situation or state of concern or conflict.
They are, angry, sad, lost, frustrated, stressed and are experiencing mental health issues, isolated.
1. Angry, with the situation, often that it happened again. Often that they allowed it to get to this point. So it is a control measure to stop lashing out.
Anger because the same front from the other person is unchanged after calm (example hands on hips “well”) Right there is a form of “isolation” from the person who everyone here has said is isolated by silent treatment (think about it).
6. Mental health is real here, depression and other thoughts are real by the the person being silent (not being social is unhealthy medical fact).
7. Isolated, very much so. The fact that they feel that will get nowhere if they talk, discuss is “isolation” and this form is far longer in time than say a week as many have mentioned.
I will add a point (though a different arguement), limiting or stopping a partner from being a romantic, and an intimate couple, is isolation, and every bit the same as we have discussed. Yet that is accepted as that persons right to say no… Why then is it not a persons right to be silent if they believe it is the best solution at the time?
A 100% fact of the person feeling the above points. Hospitalised, due to stress.
Throat ulcers causing constriction and hard to eat. Blood pressure problems and all the other stress related health issues.
It’s not always the one that feels hard done by, that suffers the most. It depends on where you look and which view and why.
I have been married 7 months to this 84 year old, I’m 82. I was very happy when we first met. Because he showed me so much attention and said we were going to enjoy our life by traveling dancing all the things he knew I liked to do. As soon as we got married it changed. He didn’t want to take me on small trips or do much. We’ve been married for 7 months and he hasn’t taken me anywhere yet. We were suppose to go to Florida on our honeymoon but he has postponed it 3 times, now he say’s he doesn’t want to go cause he has been there many times. Oh and he gives me the silent treatment for day’s if I don’t agree with him on something. Now he has treated me with silence so much I’ve got to where I don’t even want to be around him. Need to figure out if I should leave or not. He’s a very wealthy man. But gives a lot to his Children. Which is okay, but I’m afraid he will get upset with at some point and tell me to leave as he has done 2 other women.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and change now. For a couple months, we’ve been having more bad days then good days and I’ve come up with a bunch of ways to make it better but he’s just not for them. This past Friday he said he’d stop by and then never did and that’s when the ignoring started. It’s currently Sunday and I’ve tried to call him 3 times and sent a text and Snapchat. I don’t even know what to do anymore
Hello, ive been with my boyfriend for 24 years. We have 2 sons together and i have 2 sons from a previous relationship. Lately my boyfriend ignores my texts calls and or takes a while to respond, with an answer from him saying he was busy his phone was in the car, he didnt hear it. He gives me the slilent treatment. Should i be worried?
Sounds like Narcissistic behavior. My ex wife is a narcissist and would get angry very easily, call me all kinds of nasty names, and give me the silent treatment for hours and then forget that we even had a conversation. It hurts when someone you love is emotionally abusive. Its like they do not care and have no empathy at all. I feel your pain. Lean on God during tough times and be will give you shelter. God bless!
I was married to man for three years who practiced the silent treatment…..often. He then taught the technique to our daughter. I’ve been divorced for 34 years. My daughter and I go through this cycle about every 3-4 months and have been for the last 18 years. I actually feel like I’m married to her or rather like her surrogate husband.
Finally, I sought counseling and was educated on how to be “the adult in the room.” I am maintaining boundaries with her but it’s not an easy thing to do. She is very manipulative, guilt trips are a fav with her (was also with her dad who was also a master at the silent treatment). I don’t answer texts or hop-to when she wants something or acts all needy.
Best of all, I DO NOT feel guilty about it. I could not care less that she needs “help”, which is generally just an excuse to suck me in. I am currently not falling into the guilt trap and don’t react to her attempts to instill guilt. It’s actually very rewarding.
I have a significant other I have known for nearly a year. He was widowed almost a year ago unexpectedly. I have supported him during his grief and continue to. We had no contact for 6 months after a catastrophic breakup. I was and have been devastated as well as quite heartbroken. He recontacted me me nearly 2 months ago to see me. He profusely apologized for his behavior when we broke things off. He “missed me” and wanted to work things out but take things slowly. He used to text me every day throughout the day in the beginning until we broke up. Now that we reconnected not so much. I am the one having to put the effort into contacting him. After reuniting we were intimate and he was happy and content but very frightened. I gave him space he did not contact me after this. I contacted him 10 days after we were intimate to set up a time to talk. We met once again I was told he is grieving his loss (wife) and has not done “”This” in several years. I left more confused than before we met. I met him for breakfast a couple of days later. I can tell he really likes me and the attraction is definitely there but he keeps running away. I have also discovered he is on dating/affair sites seeking out other women. 😌 So here I am again confused, hurt and heartbroken. I truly feel he is using his grieving time to be with other women and I fit the bill when he has an itch to scratch. I want to face him off. What can I do or say to get to the bottom of this silent treatment? He doesn’t realize I am aware of his website activities with other women. Thank you so appreciate any recommendations this hurts deeply….
I’m slightly confused, as you say you’ve known this man for nearly a year, and his wife died a year ago, which means you got together pretty much as soon as his wife died? (Apologies if I have this wrong). In which case it’s WAY too soon for him to be even considering another relationship.
He is using contact with women (you included) to try to ease his pain & grief, in the same way someone might attempt to use alcohol or other substances. Firstly this won’t work for him – it will gives him an initial high, but nothing more, as grieving is a natural & necessary process, & cannot be “fixed” in this way. Secondly, it will continue to hurt you terribly, as you say yourself you are an “itch to scratch” As much as there is attraction, he will not be in the right place to give any new partner what they need in a real relationship until he has come to terms & processed his grief, & that could take months if not years. Please see this for what it is, & walk away – there are other men, but only one you, & you are worth so much more than what this man is able to give you.
It’s over. Move on! This guy is really cruel. Never contact him again and don’t take his calls or reply to his pleas for sympathy. He doesn’t care about you or your heart. You dodged a bullet.
I hate it when men do that.
There could be a pattern that is perhaps repeating itself that you might have been ignoring from your own part.
When every one you meet & love treats you the same way all the time, you ought to address a pattern that dominates in your relationship.
Leave him. It is not your fault. This behavior won’t go away without tons of work and you will become exhausted and possibly physically ill. If you stay and have children it will become even worse trying to maintain a house of harmony. All your energy will be put into making it up to the kids that dad is sulking and not talking. He will even use the kids against you during his silent treatment days to make you and the kids think that the problem is you. Worse yet when he decides he wants to be back to being a “good” family he will be very cooperative and sweet and then you will really be confused, angry, and have false hope will set in only for a huge disappointment to follow. It will hurt a lot less to get out now. If might think about seeing a professional about this on your own. This is your life, you are the only one that can save yourself. You did great by reaching out with this question.
I’ve been married for 41 years. My husband has ignored me the majority of the time. He’s also silent and in his own world of cattle and our farm. I only stayed because I didn’t want to hurt our son and I kept hoping he would change. He has improved some, but it will never be what I want. I’m so alone in this marriage. I’m only staying with him for his life insurance. Sad…. isn’t it?
Yes, that is sad. Reminds me of The Bridges of Madison County. Ever see it? There’s a difference in ignoring someone during a fight, and someone who just isn’t a chatty person. Hopefully you have the latter and perhaps have some aspects you can enjoy about each other.
My husband who I am considering leaving is emotionally exhausting. For example we had a disagreement 5 days ago we exchanged words and he hasn’t said a word to me. I also am very stubborn so I didn’t talk to him either. This is not the first time it’s constant a d balames me for everything.
What should I do.
I have had a boyfriend for about two months now but as of yesterday not and more all I did was ask him to spend some time with me and let’s go somewhere and do something he got up and has straight up went and got into his jeep and left and he has even block my phone calls I have got to say I am very hurt I didn’t see it coming at all
Jay – can this be a safe place where people come for support or do you have to get your back up and try to defend an entire gender? You know nothing about this woman or her life so if you don’t have anything nice to say – say nothing!
Tina,
I totally understand. I spent 20 years in one long silent treatment. The longer you are with them the more like them you become because it is the only way to survive. Don’t pay attention to the negative comments from people who have no idea of your experience. If you feel you still have the spark of life in you, maybe consider leaving him and finding yourself, and maybe a bit of happiness. You don’t have to lose financial security either. 41 years is a long time. You could get a lawyer and look at your options.
@Jay – I guess that I’m the woman with the gold and my efforts to get his attention for long failed because I didn’t flash the gold. With that remark of yours (above), I can say that you’re a misogynist.
You were way too nice… call it (let’s call it JAY)..what it is..A REAL PIG.
Tina, you say you’re only staying with him for his life insurance? But suppose he outlives you? There’s no guarantee you’ll outlive him. And suppose you only outlive him by 1 year? You really need to do what you can to leave. Your kids are grown now. Start planning your escape.
I had this boy best friend before. We only had 6 months of being a bestfriend. We had an argument or a conflict, I think, that I don’t even know what’s my exact fault back then. One thing is for sure, he express his feelings through text that if he courted me, would I say, Yes to him? Though I really like him but I really wanted to be like the way we are at that time. I feel so confident that our relationship as bff lasts long because we’re happy, I think so or maybe I’m the one thinking it only. I’m contented on our relationship at that time that’s why I composed another answer to addressed his questions. It was 1 week after my debut and almost New Year of 2011 at that time, he was admitted to hospital because of dehydration. He texted me that he wanted to die and don’t want to feel the pain anymore. I replied that he should not say those words because there are still people who needs him and loves him including myself. It was already 10 years but his reply still fresh on me up to this moment. I admit I’m too insensitive to him that I can’t understand his feelings or behavior towards me. His reply leaves me standing paralyzed that says, please give your love to others because you never loved me..Never! I loved him more than anyone, maybe not in the way he thinks but I do loved him in my own way. That was the start of the silent treatment. I think I deserve that, but it’s already 10 years of silent treatment. Do I still deserved that? I even contacted him via mobile phone, friend requests on FB but I think I was ignored. He never replied. I still have this feeling incomplete of mine until now. What should I do?
JO…. seriously I’m a man and I’m telling you he’s a manipulator. Don’t fall in to the feeling guilty trap! He’s not a good person using emotional blackmail to get you to behave like that after 11 years! That’s not a friend, that’s some sort of narcissistic behaviour.
Move on in life and stop punishing yourself for his weak, self centred righteous attitude.
Do not feel sorry for people like that! Simple
My fiancée is currently giving me the silent treatment. This argument started because he had excluded me when his family came down for an overnight visit and I was upset. He then was, in my opinion, rude to me. He has since gone away and has been silent overnight. This is not the first time. How do I handle it?
Sorry Kathy. I’m getting the silent treatment right now. I suggested that my husband park his truck down the block so the plow would be able to clear the front of our house. He didn’t want to bother cleaning off his truck. So I said, oh then maybe just back it up 20 feet and you won’t even have to clean it off. Well he flipped out. Oh I know everything, I don’t listen to him, I’m like talking to a brick wall. So he went and moved it and now hasn’t talked to me in three days. The quarrel was my fault I guess. His father used to do the same thing. And he’d acknowledge how it was unfair to his mother and childish of his father. Yet he can do it to me? 🙁 IDK I think I’ll suggest marriage counseling.
I am getting the silent treatment because I pulled my husband up for saying you people referring to our kids when he was doing my daughters biology with her. He also said it has got nothing to do with you. he didn’t like it so I am getting the silent treatment.
Leave him. Don’t marry him.
You deserve someone better.
Even if you did marry him he would drain away your happiness, you will continuously be thinking what makes him happy so he doesn’t give you the silent treatment.
By doing this you will neglect your own happiness.
Surely relationships are a two way street, not a one way street, there should be give and take on both sides. Not just giving by one partner and continuously taking by the other.
My opinion.
1) Does he exclude you from meeting his friends and families? and if he doesn’t exclude you, you’re only around a brief moment with them before he whisks you off?
2) Does he make a lot of independent choices on you where you find out later, after he’s done it?
3) Does he go hot and cold with you?
4) Does he do the “it’s my way or the highway”?
5) Is he unable to handle conflicts? And goes off, only to come back and pretend like nothing happened?
6) Is he unable to talk about emotions/feelings?
If your answer is “yes”, don’t marry him. He needs therapy before you marry him.
If you can handle it ….stay. But it is probably a pattern. It is harmful to you, him and your relationship. Tell him that and see if he accepts it. If not, it may be time to break the engagement. He’ll probably continue and the episodes may last longer – speaking from experience.
Run, Kathy, run! It will never get better. That is a RED FLAG! It will only worsen.
Do it for the sake of your future kids and your health – nothing good can come from living with an adult who cannot handle life as an adult. He will wear you down and make you sad. You will be walking on eggshells all the time – would you want your own daughter to be with someone who treats her that way? So how should it be any different for you. Just no – from my own experience.
Leave. The last thing you want is to be married to this person. You’ve read enough stories to know what’s in store for you if you marry him.
Kathy, this is a WARNING sign.
My sister married something very similar. Not only did the disrespect, name calling and such get worse, but he started reading her texts, watching her on the Find me app, going through her social media and made sure he was all glitz up while sis and the kids were rags and a car that barely worked. 15 yrs later she still fights the same narcissistic fights – more like him screaming angrily at her in front of kids, turning whatever the fight was about against her in their eyes and for the sake of the kids she “takes” it.
NO WOMAN, NOR MAN, & NOR CHILD SHOULD BE TREATED SO INHUMANE. You need to watch the dynamics between his parents for that was the first model of how relationships work he learned from. He could break the mold, but whatever concerning behavior he exhibits now will just grow if not addressed and weeded out. Best of Luck. Remember, you are worthy of the very best; don’t settle for anything less.
You deserve someone who cares enough to reach out to you and be excited to check in on you. Think about it, would you keep someone you care about wondering? I hope you decided not to chase after him and let him go find someone like himself.
Gosh. I have read so many things online recently about the silent treatment and I still cant decided whether my fiance is justified in doing it to me or not.
He has done it before when I have caught him out hiding stuff from me – like planning to have his kids extra long because his ex asked him and not even discussing with me first or finding letters in his bag for unpaid debt addressed to his ex that he then tried to lie to me about. This time though I did something. I looked at his Google search history. Found something on there that once again he’d lied to me about partaking in so I questioned him. Admitted id looked at his Google search history, apologised and explained I knew it was wrong of me but I was curious and for good reason it seems! Anyway he then gave me the silent treatment through the day in the house but acted fine on a night through text while he was working. This lasted 2 days. Last night he messaged asking about our honeymoon and where I wanted to go and to have a look etc. And today has been completely fine! I am massively confused! How can he ignore me in person yet act fine on message and then just be completely normal?! Nothing is resolved. I’ve still found something out about him that he has hidden from me. Seems to think everything should be private but I’m sorry, some stuff when you’re about to marry someone can be done in private but shouldn’t be a secret. And finances especially need transparency but I have no clue even how much he earns a month! Or how much debt he has – or who’s debt he’s paying for that matter. He’ll say he doesn’t know my business either but he does because he knows he needs to give me money as my pay only covers the mortgage. Anyway. My questions are – is he justified with this behaviour as I technically did something that clearly upset him (even though what I found upset me)? And also how do I now go about bringing it up again? He’s acting normal and we always have the kids around. It’s impossible to get time to have a proper conversation to sort anything from other unresolved issues which I believe he thinks I’ve forgotten about??
My husband, soon to be ex, behaved in the exact same way, with me being given the silent treatment on a regular basis. Always after him hiding things from me, or lying about what he was doing. I put up with it for fourteen years, until I became so mentally exhausted by his behaviour, as above, and more, that I filed for divorce. My advice would be to end the relationship, because this type of abuse, controlling and financial, will lead onto other forms of mental manipulation, which will continue indefinitely. Such is the nature of someone with narcissistic personality. The silent treatment is one of their most used punishments, when they are caught out, or you question their behaviour.
Why would you possibly think that ANYTHING could justify someone treating you this way.
Most of the behavior I’ve read about reminds me, remarkably, like Narcissistic Personality Disorder. A previous counselor told me that people with NPD rarely are able to be treated and must seek treatment (usually they don’t because they really don’t believe anything is wrong with them) from a highly trained counselor specifically trained in NPD. She said that NPD is so difficult to treat that people do one of 2 things when confronted by their disorder: retreat into massive depression or they commit suicide.
The family counselor I sought out to help me with my relationship with my daughter told me that just with the things I told him about my ex, he was sure he had NPD.